Tag

So Angie was tagged again by one of our friends. As she never does anything with this blog but read it, it comes to me to answer these. This tag came a while back, but I didn't want to actually do it because it was about your husband...and, well, I don't have a husband. Angie told me today that I have to do it, and I have to write about myself, so here goes.

1-WHAT IS YOUR HUSBANDS NAME? Again, this is not MY husband, but Angie's husband, in other words, me. So my name is me.

2-HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN MARRIED? We've been married for 13 years, 14 this coming May. Angie would probably say that it feels longer sometimes because her husband is very immature.

3-HOW LONG DID YOU DATE? We actually never dated, but accidentally met at the Salt Lake Temple in 1995. We both mistakenly walked into one of the sealing rooms and before we knew it, we were married. It was a bit weird to begin with, but after we had a couple of kids, it was too late to go back. Having kids cures all of your problems.

4-HOW OLD IS HE? He, being me, is all of 36 years old. But if you looked at the hair on the mole on his left arm, you'd swear he was in his 60s. Mentally, he's still about 14, and when around the kids, he's about 7.

5-WHO IS TALLER? The boy is taller. If Angie wears high heels, which isn't too often, and I don't have any shoes on, we see each other eye to eye. That is really intimidating to me, though, so I usually push Angie down if she comes too close to me like that.

6-WHO CAN SING BEST? Hmmm...so, in the spirit of self service, I would have to say the husband in this case, but then I sound sort of girlie in a way too, so maybe the wife sings much better. I suppose it all depends on what is being sung. I sing morphed versions of Three Amigos songs to the kids better, but Angie can definitely freestyle rap much better than I can. I just wish she didn't swear so much.

7-WHO IS SMARTER? What is this, a divorce prep test? So, on grounds of self preservation and because I like sleeping in the same room as my wife, I refuse to answer this question. Angie and I both have almost exactly the same amount of schooling behind us, so technically, we're the same dumb.

8-WHO DOES LAUNDRY? Angie does the laundry, and I do most of the ironing. She told me that is what Iron Man does, and I got really excited and have been doing it ever since.

9-WHO PAYS THE BILLS? Good question, we should probably discuss that one...

10-WHO SLEEPS ON THE RIGHT SIDE OF THE BED? Angie has always slept on the side of the bed that is closest to the door, for some reason. Maybe that is a holdover from when the kids were babies, I don't know. I think she always feels safer knowing that she could leave quickly. I secretly have fooled her into taking that side, as I have the side with the windows so that if anyone breaks into the house, I can dive out quickly and leave the rest to fend for themselves. Ha ha, suckers.

11-WHO MOWS THE LAWN? This is sacred. I mow the lawn and no one will ever take that away from me. Angie may think she's got it made with that setup, but mowing the lawn is sanctuary. I can spend 45 minutes a week destroying my hearing while thinking of whatever I want. If a kid comes to bother me, I just chase them with the lawnmower. They run away really fast. They've seen my dad's toe and know that in a fight with a lawnmower, toes lose.

12-WHO COOKS DINNER? Angie cooks. I stand behind her with a cattle prod and yell "Make Food!" until she is done. Then she has to sit on the floor and watch me eat. Once I am asleep in my filth, she is welcome to steal as much as she can before I wake up and demand she dance for me.

13-WHO IS THE FIRST TO ADMIT THEY'RE WRONG? I think Angie is always the first to admit I'm wrong.

14-WHO KISSED WHO FIRST? I'm pretty sure Adam kissed Eve.

15-WHO WEARS THE PANTS? If I had my way, neither of us would, ever.

That is why you should never let your husband answer tags for you.


I tag the dad gum guvment

Greg

--